As I write the date, I realize that December 14th will never again be the same. I am emotionally raw, experiencing bouts of nauseating despair and a sadness that I feel to my very core.
Some of my deepest beliefs in life have been shaken today. Never in my life have I read news that caused me such immediate and intense grief. It is so horrendous to imagine anyone having the ability to hurt children, and with such senseless violence, that I was unable to put up any blocks to keep some of the horror out of my mind. In fact, it struck with such force that I feel that I have blown my fuses and have completely disconnected. I know this to be a protective mechanism, as today’s news was certainly more than my body, mind and spirit could process. My heart cries for the Connecticut community. Indeed, tonight, I think it is crying for all of humanity.
The age-old question of whether we live in a benevolent universe – or not – has been shaken for me today. Most days I believe that all people are inherently good. Perhaps today, amidst my aching sadness for the families in Connecticut, I am also mourning the loss of this belief. Tonight I am afraid for humanity. I am afraid for how disconnected we have all become for a tragedy of this magnitude to be possible.
I see the irony here – as I talk always about believing that anything is possible. I know that there are awful things that happen in the world. I know that there are dark and sinister sides to human nature, as well. But I would like to live in a world where children are cherished and safe. And today it is painfully clear that that is not always the truth.
I don’t have the answers here. I know that no one does. But please, please world wake up. The only way this world is ever going to change is through connection, working together and the healing power of love. So tonight, despite my aching heart, I will focus on the only thing I know to do: sending love around the world to our global community. And holding my loved ones close to me.