Today was a very rare day, and to be honest, it’s left me feeling a little like a cork bobbing along with the current, relaxed but ungrounded. I think it’s because I chose to let myself completely derail today, taking a break from anything that would normally hit the radar on my to-do list.
It just so happens that Dean headed north to our friends‘ cottage with the kids, and I have to wait until I finish work tomorrow to go. So it is a distinct possibility that my laisser-faire approach to today may be my adult version of pouting and stomping my feet.
Do I mind being on my own for the day? No – actually, there are many days that I revel in my moments of solitude. Do I mind that I work on Saturday mornings? No – in actual fact, the busy, family-filled Saturdays are amongst my most fun days in practice. But the truth is that I would prefer to be at the lake, with my kids, and with my husband.
And so – in defiance of my to-do list, today I indulged myself. Perhaps it was from reading my colleague’s blog about fighting guilty feelings when she’s with her kids and not at work. Or my other colleague’s blog that reminded me that I need to heed the signs of when I need to stop and recharge my batteries.
But while these both made me pause and think, the reality is that it pushed my comfort levels more to completely stop than it would have pushed them to be more productive. Being busy is the normal pace of my life. Sitting still when there are things that need doing – well, that pushes my comfort zone. But despite my plate that is brimming with busyness and responsibilities, today, I chose to shirk it all.
My day started with a challenging workout. Maybe pushing my limits there, with the mix of high-rep back squats, heavy (!) kettlebell swings and box jumps, I exceeded my daily quotient for going hard. By the time I arrived home, the house was deserted – and other than washing up a few dishes, I headed to the back yard with a book and the computer. I spent some time uploading photos (and definitely too much time on Facebook) before heading inside to get our hammock.
From there, my decision was made. I read and napped in the hammock, with the sounds of the nearby marsh life keeping the peace and a wonderful breeze keeping me comfortable. I ordered sushi, and enjoyed it while watching a movie on the gazebo.
I watched a movie on a sunny day in the middle of the afternoon…that sounds so … well…. LAZY…. that I’m almost embarrassed to write it! (I guess I do have some self-judgment over my level of non-doing, self indulgence today.) Like I said, this pushed my comfort zone, possibly more than I thought. I will admit that there is still a small but present voice in my head listing all of the things I ‘should have done’, and all of the ways I could have been productive.
However, I chose to listen to a different voice today. One that said that it was okay to chill out, unplug and have a completely unstructured, unplanned, and unproductive day. It wasn’t easy for me to do, but I did. And I think that is it possible that being able to stop and be unproductive may have been a win for me today. It wouldn’t match my overall life goals to do this as a routine – but for a day? Could it hurt? Or maybe – just maybe – could it be good for me?! Is it possible that having a day without productivity could be exactly what I need to keep my normal pace? (or maybe to show me that the world doesn’t stop when I sit still?)
With this in mind, and in keeping with my theme, I rounded out my day with a leisurely stroll in the bright evening sun, got my hair cut, and topped it off with picking up some homemade sorbet from the local gelato shop.
Right now it’s waiting for me, calling my name. I plan to savour it while I finish watching my movie on the gazebo. Sans guilt.