Category Archives: Thinking by Design

Succumb to Stress? Or Persevere? How I went from Overwhelm to Gratitude.

26 Wednesday Nov 2014

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Succumb to stress, or persevere?  Those are the choices I have been facing.  And if I were to be honest, I’d have to say that last week, stress had me beat.  I was depressed, overwhelmed and unmotivated.  I felt like there was such a weight on me that every little effort felt gargantuan.

Maybe I can admit these things more readily than most people, but only because I had eleven years in practice of being on the listening end of all of the challenges people face.  And trust me, EVERYBODY has their own sh**.  I have seen first hand that most people experience episodes of anxiety, depression and overwhelm.  Truth be told, I am no different.

Keeping my mental state in a healthy place has been a full-time job this past, crazy year.  And because I usually consider myself to be a very positive, resourceful and productive person, the contrast when I feel overwhelmed is staggering.  It makes me desperately seek that good-feeling place again.

In the four months since we moved to Nova Scotia, we have faced ongoing challenges that are out of our control and that directly affect my ability to open my new practice.  These road blocks have been drawing out for so many months that it feels like it may never end.  Being take-charge kind of people, it has left us feeling helpless at times to know that our lives are in hands other than our own.

Last week, try as I might,  I lost the battle to stress more often than not.  This week, however, I feel stronger.  Succumb to stress?  I can’t.  I’ve got too much I want to do.

After more frustrations last night and another night of poor sleep, I woke up determined to have a good day.  Filling up my inner reserve of Amy-strength was my first and only priority.  And as life has it, I was sent many signs of all of the things that are good, proof of the supports I have around me, and many un-asked for voices to help quell my doubts.

When I look at my morning, I see many signs of a universe full of everything I need and want.  

As a matter of fact, this whole morning felt like it was designed to fill me up with feelings of contentment, gratitude or grounding.  My only job was to go with the flow.

  • The ‘signs’ began with Ethan and Audra waking early, getting ready without any prompting, getting along wonderfully, and exuding happiness.
  • Then, as I checked messages, I had a lovely one from a friend in my Ontario practice.  Let’s just say I ‘felt the love’ as I started my day and it helped set the tone wonderfully. (Thanks Sandra!)
  • As Ethan and Audra ran for the bus yelling “Love ya Mom!” and “Have a great day!”, my weekly call with friends and colleagues Dr. Karen and Dr. Andrea began.  It was a great combination of hearing exciting things going on in their lives/practices, as well as a great avenue to vent for ten minutes.  Exactly what I needed.
  • With my call ending at 8:50, I made a last minute decision to head to Crossfit Exertion for a workout (mostly because my workout there yesterday was so much fun that it was the best part of my day – as well as a blissful hour’s break from mental expenditure)  I learned some new movements, and overall, I felt strong – again, exactly what I needed.
  • From there I headed to my chiropractor, Dr. Andrew, in lovely St. Margaret’s Bay.  As I told him on my way out the door: “I am happy to say that I am much better leaving than I was coming in!”
  • Not sure of my plans, I stopped to call my mom and dad, wondering if dad was close by at the cottage they are building in the area.  After some great conversation with both of my parents, I felt further supported, and even more ‘vented’.
  • I decided in that moment to turn the truck around, turned up the tunes to some loud, heart-pumpin’ music and drove, taking in the sweeping views of the ocean.  While my heart soared a little higher, I felt a deep sense of peace settle into my being.
  • I ended my journey at Queensland Beach, where waves were crashing on the shore,  thundering in my ears, and the fresh sea air filled my lungs.  With deep breaths, I let it fill me up.

All of that power.  All of that strength.  All of that awe-inspiring beauty.

Queensland Beach

Being by the ocean, my ages-old mantra returned to me: “All the wisdom, strength and power of the universe rests inside of me.”

That’s what I couldn’t feel last week when life had me beat.  

Today, I let myself feel it.

And that has made all the difference.

Our Family Trip to Cuba

25 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by in Our Family Adventures, Thinking by Design

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We recently got back from a week in Cuba.   I can still close my eyes and transport myself there:  I am right back on the beach, feeling the warm ocean breeze on my face as I sip my coconut water and immerse myself into the sounds of the waves, kids laughing and the palm trees swaying above me. Mmmm…. Bliss. 

We decided to take our kids to Cuba for lots of reasons: to escape the long cold winter, to see a different culture and part of the world, and to have fun spending time with just the four of us. Our priorities were to enjoy the hot sun, great beach, and good food (yes, we even had good food, even in Cuba!).  And we got them all – all wrapped up in a week of memories that we will have forever.

It’s funny to me how much perspective factors into enjoying a vacation.  I mean, you’re away from daily life!  And even if you like your life, as I do, it’s a very welcome change to remove myself from the daily routine and responsibilities.  (Absolutely rejuvenating, actually… ) As for different perception, when we got back, another person who was at the same resort that same week with their family wrote a blistering review, full of complaints about their vacation.  Were they at the same place?, I wondered.  

How did they miss out on the beautiful beach: the powder-like white sand, warm water, refreshing breeze?  Did they not take the time to snorkel around the pier, immersed in schools of fish and feeling the peaceful feeling of being a part of the underwater world?  Did they not enjoy the hot sun on their face (or maybe hadn’t traveled from a place that had had an incredibly long and cold winter?!)  Did they bypass the chance to walk on the beach in the early morning sun – or to stroll there in the last hours of daylight?  Did they not hear the great Cuban musicians that played in the outdoor lobby every evening?  Or maybe they didn’t like having fresh coconuts brought to them on the beach – to eat or to drink from with a straw?  Maybe they didn’t try the delicious cappuccinos – or appreciate good wine.  Or good food with lots of fresh, cooked-in-front-of-you variety.

Or maybe they focused so much on the negatives that they were blinded to the great vacation that was waiting for them  on the other side of their complaints.

Our vacation was not perfect… but it was.  Our resort was a little tired looking – but it was clean with pleasant staff.  The main pools were small – but never busy and there was always lots of room to play .  Our bed was uncomfortable – but I woke every morning to work out the kinks with some mobility work on our balcony overlooking the beautiful beach.  There wasn’t much to do in the evenings – but we were happy to get good sleeps and enjoy the most of our daylight hours.

I’m reading a book right now called Positivity.  It reveals how essential it is to our overall happiness to have a “positivity ratio” of at least 3-to-1.  Is that so hard?!  To find 3 positives for every negative?  To focus your attention on what’s working vs what’s not? What if this one simple adjustment in thinking could allow you to be happier, more at peace, and more resourceful in your life?

To quote:

“Positive emotions – like all emotions – arise from how you interpret ideas and events as they unfold.  They depend on whether you allow yourself to take a moment to find the good – and on whether, once you’ve found it, you pump that goodness up and let it grow. “

As for our week – it was never hard to focus on the positive.  The highlights outweighed any negatives by at least 20-to-1.  It certainly didn’t take any effort to make the most of our time.  For all of us – it was one of the best family weeks we’ve ever had, and a place I will return to again and again in my memory any time I need a mental pick-me-up.

Playing at Playa Pilar

Playing at Playa Pilar

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Snorkelling the reefs on our catamaran excursion

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The Single Best Thing I Did to Reach my Goals in 2013

03 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by in A Working Mom, My Chiropractic Life, Thinking by Design, Women Empowered

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I had an amazing year. 2013 brought lots of change, growth, challenge and fun.

I think the best highlights for me will always be the fun times I had with my family: trips to Halifax (times two!), holidays in Edmonton, and our fantastically awesome summer of cottaging and Algonquin camping with friends who are like family.  Add in a few special times, like Ethan’s Epic 10th Birthday Celebration, beautiful fall hikes, rock climbing and great family meals, laughs and special moments with our kids, all topped with great conversations – what a year.

In my chiropractic practice, it was a year of more life-changing stories, being grateful for the amazing families who come in to see me, and the joy of meeting new people.  I reached new highs, held new babies, taught prenatal classes, spoke to large groups and discovered new avenues for sharing my message with people.

In my personal life, I reached new personal records in my fitness and strength and I can FINALLY say that I have reached my oft-repeated goal of being in the best shape of my life! (Thanks Crossfit Bradford!)  I spent more time in the kitchen, discovering wonderful & healthy meals that our family loves.   I was deeply content knowing that my kids were eating quality food – and loving it.

There were few things that I didn’t accomplish this past year that I had set out to do.  Yup, I worked hard, ran lots of events, played hard, and felt healthier, happier and younger than in years past (at least, most of the time!) It certainly wasn’t all easy, but it was oh-so-worth it.

So here is my secret… the Single Best Thing I Did to Reach my Goals in 2013….

My Morning Power Hour.

Yes – that’s my answer.  I could not have accomplished my 2013 goals without it, and I’m not exaggerating.

Over the years, I have noticed that whenever I have a regular practice of setting goals and intentions, journalling and planning my life out, everything seems to fall into place.  Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.  Sometimes I feel like I’m on an uphill battle and losing ground.  But when I look at the bigger picture, I gain the perspective that lets me see how far I have come.  And it never ceases to amaze me how many of my goals I reach or exceed when I am diligent with reviewing them, reworking them, journalling and then taking action.

My friend and colleague, Dr. Andrea Ryan has blogged wonderfully about what she does on her morning power hour –  which you can read about here.

And I must give credit to Robin Sharma for how I’ve structured my power hour this year.  You can read some of his great tips on productivity here.  Or better yet, take ten minutes to watch this video that helped me set up my plans for 2013.

So here is how i structure my morning power hour (which for me starts at 6am).  I am committed to this a minimum of 4 times a week for a full hour, but every day starts this way, even if it’s only for 15 min.
Every Day: 
  • I start with 10-20 minutes of mobility
  • I then do 20 – 40 minutes of “Core work”  – (see below for what I mean by this)
  • I write out my intentions for the day (this could range from how busy I want to be at work, how many people I meet at a new speaking engagement, or simply being fully present to the people who are in front of me)
  • I write out the top 3-7 actions for the day (again, this could range from working on large projects at home or at work, cooking meals, or having a great workout)
By ‘Core Work’ I mean:
1 – I read books. At least one power hour per week is dedicated to reading.
  • Currently this includes 2 books which  means I will do this 2 times per week for now: Tapping into Wealth and The Values Factor (both books are filled with exercises to do).
2 – I review of my list of goals, values and dreams.  At least one power hour per week is dedicated to this.  There’s a lot of work I put into each of these areas, fine tuning and uncovering what these are for me.  For people who haven’t done some of this background work, this is a great place to start.  It’s not really possible to create your dream life if you haven’t uncovered what that looks like for you, or what your highest values are… or planned out how you will get there.  
So for me, I have three documents on my laptop that I constantly review and revamp as needed:
  • My List of Objectives for the Year (this starts with a list of my top 3-5 goals – both personal and professional, which I follow up with the action steps required to reach them, broken down by quarter, month, or week)
  • My Personal Values List (this is a document I created that outlines those things that I value most in my life – for me, the top 3 are family, freedom and experiencing – which I can revisit to make sure the decisions I am making in my life match up with those things I hold most dear.  I personally think this single step is the most important one to start with and for me, the one that has lead to the most peace of mind in my busy, decision-filled life).
  • I read or journal “What I Want” (this is where I have written out the details of my ‘dream life’, and what I most want to be, have and do in my life.  However, this could also pertain to a specific situation, project or challenge I am facing at any given point.)
4 – I write in my journal. This is something I do every day. Sometimes it’s for 2 minutes, other times it’s multiple times a day, or for prolonged periods.  This includes my daily intentions and top actions, as well as listing out all of the things I am grateful for.  I work on exercises from books I am reading, do work on any negative or limiting beliefs, and write out in great detail my dreams and vision for my life.  Journalling is one of my lifelong outlets, and something I have done since I was 12 years old.  
As a part of my weekly journalling, I also do a Review of the Previous Week and Set Intentions for the Coming Week:  This will be done during one Power Hour per week -either on a Sat/Sun or Mon.  (This is also one of Robin Sharma’s suggestions)
  • I journal Wins and Challenges, rate the week out of 10, and write out where I think the gap is (why I felt it was a 7/10 vs a 10/10, for example – and what could have been different, if possible, to have created that higher outcome)
  • And I do the same at the end/beginning of each month and quarter.  This usually gives me some of that great perspective on how much more I am winning than being challenged – and that lets me measure up how I’m doing in the bigger picture.  And sometimes I revamp my goals going forward or tweak the action steps required.  

Sometimes in the morning I add in other types of ‘core work’, like writing a blog, or listening to a webinar.  Add in a weekly accountability call with my friends and colleagues, Dr. Andrea Ryan and Dr. Karen Osburn; a biweekly one with another colleague, Dr. Craig; and the 4-6 hours of driving each week that I spend listening to inspiring podcasts or learning from audiobooks  – and you’ll have the framework I use to keep my busy life in order.

Am I busy?  YES.  Could I ‘do’ my busy life without my morning power hour? Yes… however I am certain that it would be with less direction, less success, and more stress.

And so for me, it’s a no-brainer.  My morning power hour is here to stay.

After all, the saying goes that people overestimate what they can accomplish in one year, and underestimate what they can accomplish in ten.

(If you question this, think back to ten years ago, and notice all the massive changes that have likely occurred during that time.  I know for us the growth has come in leaps and bounds – sometimes it seems small, but other times it’s been massive beyond belief, and I can see with the 20/20 perspective of hindsight that many things have happened that I would not have believed likely way back then.  And if you don’t feel your life is an accurate reflection of this, think for a minute on all the technological changes that have come about and changed our world in that short time- it’s absolutely mind boggling!)

So, getting back to the notion of a long-term vision…by the looks of my ten-year vision – especially if I’ve underestimated myself – I’ve got some big goals to accomplish.  Which means that maybe the extent of my life-long vision and dreams may not be as over-the-top as they sometimes seem right now…

Regardless, no matter how large or small I dream, or how much of an impact I hope to have in this world, I know with certainty that keeping my morning power hour will be one of the strategies that will get me there.

It is a simple thing that sets the tone for everything.

 

 

Choosing Simplicity

08 Sunday Dec 2013

Posted by in Eating by Design, My Chiropractic Life, Thinking by Design

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Simplicity is something I value very highly in my life.  And this time of year, my commitment to keeping things simple leaves me feeling like I’m an observer:  watching the chaos of a storm from the cozy window of my own, simple life.

I will give some of the credit for my emphasis on simplicity to the families I took care of in my first few years of practice.  With kids too young to yet be into the holiday whirlwind, I was witness to the stories other parents told of kids with mountains of un-appreciated toys, older kids who wanted bigger and better every year, and the frantic haste to get to every last store.  Combined with clear signs of stress, fatigue and tension, I decided then and there that I didn’t want our holidays to fall into that pattern.  

Simple for me means that I don’t add in more than I can give my full attention to.  It means that I have a no-drama policy – both at home and in my practice. It means that we started our own family traditions on a small scale, emphasizing the joy in giving to others while being grateful for what we receive.  All with a very conscious effort to focus on the people around us, gratitude for the life that we have, and appreciation and attention paid to every gesture of kindness – including, of course, gifts.

This weekend was an example of simple.

Yesterday at work I could probably measure my success by two simple factors: the number of times I laughed, and the number of hugs I got.  My morning started with giving a report to a ten-year-old boy (and his mom, of course).  As is always the case, I spoke directly to him about what I noticed in his initial assessment.  I explained to him three simple concepts:

1 – your body is smart

2 – your brain and body need to ‘talk’ to work properly and

3 – if your brain-body connection isn’t clear, your smart body has a harder time working at its best.

With a wise nod of his head and a few insightful comments, he asked his final, amusingly off-topic questions:  “Dr. Amy, do you live in a big house?”  (this may have been my first laugh-out-loud moment of the morning) and “Dr. Amy, do you drive a ferarri?” (my second laugh). With a smile I replied: “No, I have a simple house, and no, I don’t drive a ferrari.  I don’t really care that much about those things.  The most important thing in my life is my family and spending time with them.  We like to do things like enjoy nature, hike and travel.” He left with a pondering expression on his face.  As for me, I was amused by his perceptions – and it left me thinking, too.

The truth is that the value I place on things is a far distant runner-up to the value I place on quality time and having experiences.  Even if we had all the money in the world, we wouldn’t live much differently than we do now.  We would travel more, give more, experience more.  Don’t get me wrong – I like material things, too.  I get great pleasure out of buying quality things for my kids.  And I love the idea of building our dream home in the upcoming years.  But without the context of who I would be enjoying those things with, they are empty for me.  Things may provide some pleasure to me – but they are not what motivates me. 

The other moments this weekend that filled me up included our annual Awesome by Design workshop.  We hosted thirteen kids (age 4-10) for 2 hours in the practice, while giving their parents a few hours to themselves.  We gave the kids the same simple message (repeat after me…) “My body is smart and I am AMAZING!” (really, what more do they need to know than that?!)  Our games followed that same theme.  Our snack was a build-your-own creation using fresh fruits, veggies and toothpicks.  And our craft was a self-decorated portrait with the same message as above.  It was seamless, fun, and full of laughter.  The only complaint was from the kids when they didn’t want to leave.

On the home front, the remaining focus of the weekend was on food.  While I place a very high value on health and nutrition, I also feel that when I make good quality meals for my family, I am nourishing them in ways that surpass the calories and nutrients.  I feel a deep contentment to know that with two crockpots going, there will be delicious soups for the kids’ lunches this week.  And it never ceases to amaze me how fulfilled I am by the simple act of putting food on the table.  With three lovely family meals together (steak and veggies; eggs, bacon and fruit; and chicken with roast veggies), I am filled up in all of the ways that matter.

It seems that at this time of year, we go somewhat into hibernation mode.  We stay put more often – and are happy to do so.  It just so happens that sometimes that lends itself to wonderful little moments of joy.  Like the surprise evening finale of our kids dimming the living room lights to put on a play for us with masks they discovered downstairs.  With the assurance that they will be planning lots of performances for us – complete with giggles and silliness – what more could we ask for?  Live theatre from the comfort of our own home.  Perfect.

Robinson live theatre performance

My Afternoon in Pictures

08 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by in A Working Mom, My Chiropractic Life, Thinking by Design

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Today I chose to have a different kind of lunch break.  As often happens when my day starts (wonderfully) with my early morning ‘power hour‘, by noon I had already completed the highest priority tasks on my “top action list” for the day.  In fact, the only thing left to do for the day outside of my practice hours included more journalling.  (I believe that one of the best things we can do to be productive is to have great clarity in where we are going.)

So when faced with a beautiful, sunny afternoon, and taking into consideration my love of nature and beauty, it seemed fitting to move my afternoon down-time to a fitting location – in this case: Toronto’s picturesque High Park.

So, rather than try to sum up how rejuvenated I was by the end of my time there, I thought I would show my afternoon in pictures:

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Where I sat and journalled

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The start of my walk to gather my thoughts

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Beautiful stone bridges, ponds, and the sound of trickling water

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Back to the waterfront – looking East to the Toronto CN Tower and skyline

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Looking out over the lake – just as these geese flew overhead

Blissful.

And I returned to practice fully rejuvenated.  In no way do I consider this a waste of time – in fact, it was much needed reflective time.  In my busy, full life, these moments are an investment in my self.  Rather than detracting from productivity, I find them all the more necessary to keep me grounded and on purpose.

I doubt I could ‘do’ my life without moments like these.  (And why would I?!)

Body Image and Kids

25 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Raising Independent Thinkers, Thinking by Design, Women Empowered

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As a mom, there are a few things (many things) that concern me about the messages my kids will get from the world outside of our home.  That they need to look a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way, have certain things, or even think a certain way.  I for one completely agree with the mother I heard interviewed on The Wellness Family podcast yesterday:  sometimes I would like to stand like a shield between them and the world.

But while we may be able to choose what forms of media we welcome into our home (like not having cable, newspapers, magazines, or music videos) – they are still active participants in the world they live in.   They see movies, spend time with friends, and simply don’t live in a bubble.  And to be honest, I completely disagree with trying to fabricate an artificial ‘bubble world’ for our children to live in.  This is the world they have inherited;  how can we help them navigate through it?

This all was brought to test this week.  I cringed (quite significantly, albeit inwardly) when I saw the book Audra brought home two days ago from the school library: The Princess Handbook: Your Top Secret Guide to becoming a True Princess.

(With a part of me truly disgusted, I wondered yet again how I came to have such a ‘girly-girl’ daughter – a great irony for me as a self-professed tom boy growing up.  But then I simply reminded myself of all of her other wonderful strengths: she may love all things pretty, but she is also brave, smart, athletic and strong – and just like that, I’m back at peace.  No need to have a fit over a book.)

While I could have shown my initial gut reaction, I chose to sit back on this one and observe.  I had no problem letting her dress up for school yesterday – and I had to admit the ‘brush your hair 100 times’ suggestion made getting cleaned up for school that much easier.  However, after years of consciously teaching our children all of the ways they are wonderful both inside and out, I considered this book to be a test.  (and in my eyes, a very important one to pass.)

As parents, I see our job as being that of nurturing our children’s inner world – their self esteem, confidence and courage – so that they can be strong, resourceful human beings regardless of the junk (and fake images) that may pass as newsworthy in the world at large.

Concerns about body image certainly fall into this category.  (with body image defined as  being how you feel about how you look.)  I will admit that having a daughter brings with it unique concerns.  Although I know that boys have issues with this too, perhaps knowing the insecurities I had as an adolescent girl, I have long wondered how to best parent our children through this – especially Audra.

How can we circumvent the material world of unrealistic beauty expectations and unhealthy body images?  With it starting in toddlerhood with the need to navigate the childhood ‘princess’ stages where Disney reigns supreme, how can we minimize all of that programming to help her grow into a strong, confident teenager and woman?

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And as so often seems to be the case, most answers that occur to me point towards the  importance of who we are being as role models.

How do we speak in our home to our kids, about their traits, their body, their health, their strengths, or their challenges?  How do we speak about ourselves?  What is our own body image?  And ultimately – what kind of role model are we being?

Here is my ironic admission:  in my unabashed motherly bias, I find my daughter to be one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen.  And in her short 8 years, she has certainly heard her share of exclamations over how ‘cute’ she is, or how ‘beautiful’ she is.   And many of those come frequently from my own mouth.

However, we have made a concerted effort to teach our children consistently about inner beauty.  About being smart, kind, strong, courageous, thoughtful, creative.  About following their own inner guidance, trusting themselves, and standing up for what they believe.  So in this spirit, I am consciously aware of praising our children in ‘package deals’.  Beautiful and smart.  Pretty and kind.  Cute and strong.  Wonderful on both the inside and outside.  For me, it is simply the truth.

We try to focus on what they can do, and who they are being.  What new things they learned today, what challenges they overcame, what ways they helped other people.  How they are strong, healthy, fast, brave and athletic.  How they are smart, creative, thoughtful and interesting.

So while I feel a more in-depth conversation may be in order about what Audra is learning from this  book, at least part of my answer may have been found in her bedtime conversation with me last night.

As is our bedtime routine, every night I ask Ethan and Audra three questions:  What they did well, what they are grateful for, and what was their favourite part of the day.  She paused for a moment when I asked her what she was grateful for, then answered: “I’m grateful for being pretty…. and kind and smart and strong.”

And those are answers that I can certainly agree with.

(If you’re looking for some great listening material, check out www.thewellnesscouch.com  – a group of podcasts out of Australia that I was introduced to by a friend and colleague, and who happens to be one of the founders.  I have to say, it’s pretty fun to see friends who are making lots of waves in the world.)

Teamwork, Commitment, and Doing What Feels Right

23 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by in Raising Independent Thinkers, Thinking by Design

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The other night we ran into a dilemma.  Ethan came home from camp exhausted, saying he didn’t feel well – probably from a day of too much sun and huge amounts of activity.  And he didn’t want to go to his softball game.

Now, in my mind – when you join a team, you are making a commitment.  Your teammates depend on you to show up, play hard, cheer each other on, and to win or lose as a collective group.  I’m sure my many years of competing in soccer formed this as a strong belief for me.  And while I believed that he was tired, I didn’t believe that he was not well enough to go.  So in my mind, he didn’t have a choice in whether or not to go to the game.

But here I was, being faced with two things I don’t handle well:  a whiney child, and the idea of letting down people who are counting on us (him).  And knowing Ethan’s tendency for being dramatic, I’ll admit that I was not the nurturing, empathetic mom figure.  While I acknowledged that he didn’t feel great, and that I understood why that may be… I felt that he’d have to put on a brave face and go to the game regardless.

(Fortunately for Ethan, Dean stepped in to be a little more empathetic in the face of my tough love approach)

And so here I found myself:  annoyed as we rushed to get out the door, all the while to the sounds of him crying that he didn’t feel well.  And the truth was that I was exhausted… and my personal preference would be to stay home.  And I thought to myself: “He’s ten years old.  He is old enough to understand that if he doesn’t go to the game, he will be letting his team down… and I can let that be his choice.”  So I stopped in my tracks, took his face in my hands, and gave him the choice: stay home and lie down to rest, or go to the game.

And so with a hug, I found myself tucking him in with a book (while wondering how to get in touch with the coaches at this last minute).  We quietly went about our evening when only a few short minutes later he called out: “Is it too late to change my mind?”

So back into gear we went – arriving at the game field 5 minutes late, happily to find that the game had not yet started.  And then we discovered that in this playoff game against the number one team, we had just enough players to take the field.

Ethan was the clincher.  If he hadn’t shown up, his team would have had to forfeit.  (And I would have felt awful – as would he).  But in the turn of events, they played a fabulous game, and Ethan had one of the best games all year.  And they won.  They beat the unbeaten, number one team for the first time all year.

In the post-game celebration, I told the coach how close a call we had with Ethan showing up.  She took him aside, and pointed out to him that because he chose to go, his team was able to play, and able to celebrate this big win.  And she thanked him for showing up and playing for his team.

And as we pointed this out to him – how his team depended on him, and how every member of a team is needed, we asked him what made him change his mind to go.

His answer was the best part.  When he lay down in his bed, he didn’t pick up his book to read.  He thought about his decision.  He thought about his team.  And he listened to his innate – that wisdom inside of him –  and he realized that going to the game was the decision that felt right.

And in the way that it all played out, I have no doubt that this choice will long be remembered.  It’s one thing for Dean and me to tell him that being on a team is a commitment and that every team member needs to be dependable – but it’s quite another, more powerful lesson for him to come to his own choice, and see and feel the consequences for himself.  It makes it all so much more real.

We were very proud of him for taking the time to reflect, get in touch with what felt right, and for coming to his own decision.  For us it is yet another experience of letting go, giving more responsibility to our kids for their own choices and actions, and simply trusting in them.

I think we all won on this one.

Journaling with my ‘Monkey-See-Monkey-Do’ Kids

22 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in A Working Mom, Fully expressed, Raising Independent Thinkers, Thinking by Design

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Kids tend to copy what they see.  Monkey see, monkey do – right?  And in the perfect world, they will only see the ‘good’ sides of us, and only copy those habits and behaviours we wish them to take on.  (I could laugh out loud right now – along with every other parent who might read this. ‘Yeah, our kids will only see our good sides’  Sure.)  The truth is that kids truly do see all, and there are some of my traits I hope they don’t take on.  I think the best I can hope for is to be as good a role model as I know how to be – and to trust that they will pick up on lots of the ‘good’, and downplay the ‘bad.’  I’m only human, after all.

But when it comes to habits, there are many things I do that I hope they will emulate – like being active, eating healthy food, making family a priority, being a good listener, and so on.  And while much of this comes with frequent and intentional conversations – why we eat what we do, why we need to take other people’s feelings into consideration, (etc) – the most enjoyable for me is when I see my kids take up a habit of mine from observation, and from their own decision that it seems like something they would like to try.

And so, here I find myself, early on a sunny morning, sitting on our gazebo at the end of my morning ‘power hour’ – an hour that I spend every morning in preparation for my day.  And the best part of today’s power hour is my company.

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It truly is a reality that kids do as you do.  And my kids see me journal often.  They know that when they wake up in the morning they can find me in the back yard or living room with my  journal, a book, or the computer close at hand.  And of course they ask me what I’m doing, what I write about, and most importantly: why I do it.

And so I have told them: my ‘power hour’ is an hour I dedicate every morning as soon as I get up (usually 6am) to setting out my goals and intentions for the day.  It is a practice that virtually every ultra-successful person I know (or know of) does.  It’s something that has been touted as being one of the most productive uses of time from so many sources I can’t name them all (but Robin Sharma is one who writes wonderfully about it).  And it is the one thing I do that seems to make the rest of my life flow better.  I am more clear and focused, I can map out what I want to accomplish, get clarity on my dreams and aspirations, and where I see myself going.  Quite simply, it keeps me on track.

And so, to have my kids join me in this practice is an absolute joy.  I didn’t ask them.  They’ve just subscribed to the notion of ‘monkey see, monkey do.’

What do I do?  Well, for me, it starts with 5-15 minutes of mobility work (which wakes me up)  This is followed by reviewing some of my own goals, intentions, values or dreams – each of which is a detailed document on the desktop of my computer.  And then I journal.  I review each week – wins and challenges.  I set intentions for each week and each day.  And I check in on it to see if I am on track.  And then I map out when I expect to do any of the actions I have listed.

Sometimes I blog.  Sometimes I dream.  Sometimes I just get my thoughts out.  But all in all, it gives me great clarity, keeps me connected to my purpose, helps me map out what I want to accomplish, and starts my day with gusto.

And I love that my kids have become frequent journalers.

ImageRight now, Ethan is writing out his ideas for a world he wants to build in Minecraft (a world-building game on the computer), as well as ideas for a mod he wants to invent for it (a mod is a computer program…  which, I guess means that we have to find a way for him to start learning programming…!)

ImageAudra has started by writing out the  most important things in her life (a list of family, friends and stuffed animals), and another of things she would like to do in her life (like going to Hawaii).

Considering that I have found this practice to be one of the most important things I do to keep me on track – and is likely one reason I have been able to find harmony amongst the many busy roles I play as a mom, wife, chiropractor, business owner, and writer – I am exceedingly happy to witness my kids embracing this for themselves.  I believe it to be as important for their wellbeing as being active and eating healthy foods.

I believe it fosters self esteem, instills the value of having a vision and mapping out steps to reach their goals, and allows them to celebrate the wins they experience every day. (like Audra’s evident enthusiasm for completing a walk over for the first time – and her celebration of the effort):Image

As I sit and watch them journal, think and create, it certainly fills my soul up.  I have no doubt that they will indeed create their lives exactly as they wish, reach their goals, have direction and purpose  – and live extraordinary lives.

Which, of course, is exactly what I wish for them.

My Self Indulgent Day

26 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by in A Working Mom, Musings of a Manic Mama, Thinking by Design

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Today was a very rare day, and to be honest, it’s left me feeling a little like a cork bobbing along with the current, relaxed but ungrounded.  I think it’s because I chose to let myself completely derail today, taking a break from anything that would normally hit the radar on my to-do list.

It just so happens that Dean headed north to our friends‘ cottage with the kids, and I have to wait until I finish work tomorrow to go.  So it is a distinct possibility that my laisser-faire approach to today may be my adult version of pouting and stomping my feet.

Do I mind being on my own for the day?  No – actually, there are many days that I revel in my moments of solitude.  Do I mind that I work on Saturday mornings?  No – in actual fact, the busy, family-filled Saturdays are amongst my most fun days in practice.  But the truth is that I would prefer to be at the lake, with my kids, and with my husband.

And so – in defiance of my to-do list, today I indulged myself.  Perhaps it was from reading my colleague’s blog about fighting guilty feelings when she’s with her kids and not at work.  Or my other colleague’s blog that reminded me that I need to heed the signs of when I need to stop and recharge my batteries.

But while these both made me pause and think, the reality is that it pushed my comfort levels more to completely stop than it would have pushed them to be more productive.   Being busy is the normal pace of my life.  Sitting still when there are things that need doing – well, that pushes my comfort zone.  But despite my plate that is brimming with busyness and responsibilities, today, I chose to shirk it all.

My day started with a challenging workout.  Maybe pushing my limits there, with the mix of high-rep back squats, heavy (!) kettlebell swings and box jumps, I exceeded my daily quotient for going hard.  By the time I arrived home, the house was deserted – and other than washing up a few dishes, I headed to the back yard with a book and the computer.  I spent some time uploading photos (and definitely too much time on Facebook) before heading inside to get our hammock.

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From there, my decision was made.  I read and napped in the hammock, with the sounds of the nearby marsh life keeping the peace and a wonderful breeze keeping me comfortable.  I ordered sushi, and enjoyed it while watching a movie on the gazebo.

I watched a movie on a sunny day in the middle of the afternoon…that sounds so … well…. LAZY…. that I’m almost embarrassed to write it!  (I guess I do have some self-judgment over my level of non-doing, self indulgence today.)  Like I said, this pushed my comfort zone, possibly more than I thought.  I will admit that there is still a small but present voice in my head listing all of the things I ‘should have done’, and all of the ways I could have been productive.

However, I chose to listen to a different voice today.  One that said that it was okay to chill out, unplug and have a completely unstructured, unplanned, and unproductive day.  It wasn’t easy for me to do, but I did.  And I think that is it possible that being able to stop and be unproductive may have been a win for me today.  It wouldn’t match my overall life goals to do this as a routine – but for a day?  Could it hurt?  Or maybe – just maybe – could it be good for me?!  Is it possible that having a day without productivity could be exactly what I need to keep my normal pace? (or maybe to show me that the world doesn’t stop when I sit still?)

With this in mind, and in keeping with my theme, I rounded out my day with a leisurely stroll in the bright evening sun, got my hair cut, and topped it off with picking up some homemade sorbet from the local gelato shop.

Right now it’s waiting for me, calling my name.  I plan to savour it while I finish watching my movie on the gazebo.  Sans guilt. 

Striving for Excellence

07 Friday Jun 2013

Posted by in Fully expressed, Raising Independent Thinkers, Thinking by Design

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One of the mantras in our family is to ‘always do your best’; and we have tried to teach our children to use that as their only standard of performance.  We don’t care how their best friend did, if the rest of the class did something else, or if they beat out – or were beaten by – another person.  We want our children to be able to check in with themselves and answer to their own truthful evaluation:  “Did I do my best?” “Am I happy with what I have done?”  And if the answer to those questions is an honest and heartfelt ‘YES’, then in our eyes, what else could matter?

However, we do live in this same world, where ‘bigger is better’, and the tendency that is all around is to be THE BEST.   Now, don’t get me wrong here.  We want our children to excel. We want them to push themselves, try new things, face challenges, and learn that they can thrive even under pressure.  The only difference is that we want them to do so regardless of any reward, ribbon, prize or desire to beat someone else.  The only person they need to be accountable to is themselves (and at this age, me and Dean -with the intention that we are nourishing their internal drive to strive for excellence.)  Let’s face it, most of us are our own worst critics.  So why can’t we also be our own best advocates, proud of efforts well made?

Given the time of year, it seems that awards are being given everywhere we look.  School assemblies, sports events, and more.  And I am a proud mama for seeing my children being on the receiving end of some of those.  But the best reward for me is seeing the joy on Ethan and Audra’s faces, and seeing their excitement at being recognized for their efforts.  I have no problem with recognition being an added incentive – just not the only one.  How sad I would be if that joy were to be replaced with anger or frustration that they ‘only’ got second or third place – or none at all. (I’ve even heard 2nd place be called “first loser”, jokingly – perhaps – but certainly not how I choose to see things.)

We are just like every other parent in that our hearts fill with pride when we see our children be recognized and celebrated for their efforts.  We happily sat through a recent school assembly to see Ethan rewarded with an academic award, and we enjoyed ourselves last night at the art showcase where Audra ecstatically won second place for her artwork.  And I thoroughly enjoyed Ethan’s bursting-at-the-seams announcement about placing 3rd overall in his grade and getting a gold in the school track and field event.  (“Mom, hold your ‘yays’ until I tell you everything”, he instructed.)  And I have to say, I like the school’s system for points, where any student who accumulates a certain level from all of the track events combined wins gold, silver or bronze.  It certainly didn’t detract from my pride in Ethan to know that he wasn’t the only one to win gold.  In fact, I enjoyed his recounting of how many of his friends also did the same, and even moreso, how much he also celebrates their wins.

The irony here is that I can be a very competitive person – but mostly against myself and my own high expectations.  It has taken a lot of work to switch my modus operendi from seeking perfection to striving for excellence.  See, the problem here is that when you are only happy with first place or perfection, so many great efforts go unacknowledged.  You are constantly left with a feeling of “not enough”.  Whether that is  ‘not good enough’, ‘not fast enough’, ‘not smart enough’, or any other form of ‘not enough’ – the feeling is not one that feels good.

And what I have learned is that we are all enough.

Underlying this all is that we want our children to know that they are more than enough.  They are wonderful, magnificent, amazing human beings.  

We want them to focus on giving their all in life – in every area, even if it’s never to be evaluated.  We want them to grow up knowing to strive for excellence, proud of their efforts as driven, internally motivated individuals who can look themselves in the mirror and truthfully say “I did my best” and “I gave it my all.”

Really, what more can there possibly be?

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