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Mom on Purpose

~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

Mom on Purpose

Category Archives: in8 Mama: Deviating from the Mainstream

Top 9 Tips to Feed your Family Well

19 Sunday Jan 2014

Posted by Dr. Amy Robinson in Creating Health, Eating by Design, in8 Mama: Deviating from the Mainstream, Raising Independent Thinkers

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Feeding a family; healthy meals; paleo; eating by design

“Mom, I’m really glad you’re a chiropractor.  But I wish I could eat the same foods as everyone else.  It’s not really fair, you know.”  This was Audra’s comment to me yesterday as we were driving, following her question of why I don’t agree with the Canada Food Guide.  “I’ve have studied the human body and nutrition for years,” I answered. “I have different information about food and health, and it often leads us to make different choices for our family.”

Her comments were not a surprise to me, as I’m aware that both our kids sometimes wish I didn’t have quite such strong feelings about our food choices.  But before I could say anything, she finished her thought with an observation that negated the need for me to say much of anything else: “But you know”, she pondered, “We really don’t get sick all the time like everyone else.”

So instead of launching into a long, detailed discussion of nutrition, all I had to do was acknowledge that I heard her, and remind her of what I believe to be true: “Feeding you well is part of my ‘mom job’ – to love you, keep you safe and keep you healthy.”

That ended the conversation, but not the never-ending journey of feeding our family well.  We work hard to buy quality foods from as many local sources as possible.  Our staples are meat and veggies, fruit, nut & seeds, full-fat dairy and healthy fats.  We avoid /minimize processed foods, packaged meals, sugar, gluten, breads & pastas – all because we want to fuel our family with the most nutrient-dense foods, and to help them develop a taste for real food.   We want them to understand how essential their food choices are to their health and wellbeing, as well as to their growth and performance in school and in sports – and in life in general.

And yet, our dedication to healthy eating is another way that we do things against the grain (no pun intended).  While we are far from the only families that eat this way, it certainly is not how most people approach food. (or what is recommended by Health Canada, unfortunately)  Sometimes this can be hard, especially since we don’t want to make our kids feel so different that they feel weird or left out.  And we don’t want to be so rigid that they rebel completely as they get older and even more independent.

The truth is that some days it would be easier to be blissfully unaware of all the information we have.  Some days it would be easier to throw a package in the microwave.  Or make a sandwich for lunch. Or go through a drive through for dinner.

But at the end of the day, easier isn’t what drives us.  We want to give our kids the best chance possible at vibrant, lifelong health – plus an understanding of how smart their bodies are and how incredibly amazing they are.

Over the years, we’ve faced quite an evolution with this.  Admittedly, my own understanding of nutrition has changed over the years as well – which means that the choices we made years ago differ from the ones we make now.  Both in my practice and in our home, I’ve had to admit to my past mistakes, while explaining that with new information, we make new choices.

When our kids were younger, in many ways it was easier because we were involved in every food that passed their lips.  We were present at every party and social event.  We could ‘ok’ anything they ate at school and they were too young to spend time at friend’s houses without one of us being there.  It was easy to oversee it all.

But as they’ve gotten older, there are many more times that they are not with us.  And just as I’ve found with virtually every parenting issue, as they gain more independence, we have to accept that they are going to be in many situations to make decisions where we will not be present. 

So as parents, we have to put our trust in them, and in the job we have done in teaching them WHY we make the choices we do.  (When this comes to food, I know I will cringe at times to hear what they may eat elsewhere, but I know that I am already losing some control of that.)  And as with every parenting issue, we have to ask ourselves if we’ve done the best we can to provide them with a solid foundation for making their own choices and hope (trust) that with this securely in place, more often than not their choices will be made in their best interest.  (Let’s get real here – we’re talking about food, but I feel the same about how they will fare with situations in the coming teen years like drinking & drugs, sex, and handling all manners of potentially challenging situations.)

So other than our recurring conversations about health and food – and an understanding of WHY we avoid certain foods, like junk food, processed foods, bread, and heaps of sugar – we’ve had to come up with ways to get our kids on board with our choices.  Here are a few that have helped:

1 – We teach them how amazing their bodies are.  Our two foundational statements have always been “My body is smart.”  and “I am amazing.” We teach them how foods affect their bodies and their brains – and explain how that relates to every aspect of their life: from school, sports, learning, energy, growing, creativity, to simply being the best they can be.

2  – They help plan meals. I often throw out suggestions of what I might make that week and get feedback from them if there is anything they’d like to add.  We try new recipes, look at cooking books or websites together, or pick out new things in the grocery store.

3 – They help out in the kitchen. Whether it’s making scrambled eggs for breakfast, whipping up a batch of guacamole, or chopping veggies for dinner that night, Ethan and Audra are frequent sous-chefs in our household.  Ethan often talks about the possibility of being a chef – and if his love of eating is an accurate measure, this would be a great example of following a passion for him.  (Although he did ask me the other day if I would be upset if he made meals I didn’t think were healthy.  To which I responded – “No, I just would choose to eat the ones that were.”  And that satisfied him, although I’ll admit that I hope he follows our lead.)

4 – We give them choices.  While I refuse to make separate meals for our different taste buds, we do try at most meals to have at least 2 different veggie choices, and they have to have a helping of at least one.  Salad or asparagus.  Cauliflower or carrots.  (Our love of organic butter does help, as they will eat more vegetables when they are tossed in butter with a sprinkle of salt.)  And as parents, we eat it all, too!

5 – They have to try everything but we don’t force them to eat anything.  This has lead our kids to try lots of new foods, spices and flavours.  At ages 8 & 10, they both love sushi, thai food, indian cuisine and are game to experiment wonderfully.  I’ve gotten better over the years at choosing new recipes – but sometimes I have a back-up plan in place just in case my experiment is a flop.  (like last week’s spaghetti-squash casserole – which I served as one of several side-dish options amongst leftovers… just in case.  For the record, it was eaten by everyone, but not in large quantity.  Had I gone about this differently, I think I would have had some hungry and cranky kids later in the evening.  As it went, I enjoyed an easy addition to my breakfasts and lunches in the following days.)

6 – We set ‘rules’ for when we ease up on our normal habits.   Like after Hallowe-en, when for one week the kids get to pick 2 things a day for their lunch bags.  Or how they can eat what they want at a friend’s house – but draw the line at drinking pop. Or how they devoured their great-grandma’s perogies while in Edmonton, but avoided (or minimized) their consumption of bread.

7 – We look for healthier versions of foods they want.  This has lead to many baking experiments (which is not my forte) as Audra loves muffins and they both have somewhat of a sweet tooth.  Or like Ethan’s request to make eggs benedict – in which I substituted the english muffin for biscuits made with almond flour. (Next time I’m trying potato ‘pancakes’ instead).  Or along this line, I add pureed vegetables into many of our meals and sauces – like kale into virtually every sauce, meatball or soup!)

8 – We use the natural consequences of eating poorly to help them notice how they feel when they eat ‘off track’.  Ethan has had several experiences with this one, including a history of throwing up almost every time he has had a pop.  (While unpleasant to clean up, it’s more effective in helping him avoid pop than hearing me nagging in his head!)  And Audra will often get tummy aches and feel ‘yucky’ if she eats too much sugar, or eats bread while at friends’ houses.

It’s a little ironic to me to think that one of the most basic necessities of life – FOOD – can come with so much challenge as well as joy.  I know how hard it can be to feed a family well.  I know how confusing it can be to read so many conflicting views on nutrition.

This is what has worked so far in our home.  It takes time, commitment, planning and patience.  But just like we tell our kids – our reason WHY:  their lifelong health and wellbeing – makes it so incredibly worthwhile.

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Are you Ready for Christmas? My Top Tips for Keeping Peace (Sanity) in the Holidays

18 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by Dr. Amy Robinson in Fully expressed, in8 Mama: Deviating from the Mainstream, Life Lessons

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Gratitude, Holiday Traditions, Joy, Keeping things Simple, Love, Peace, Ready for Christmas

As we approach the final weekend before the 25th, I’m sure even those people who don’t celebrate Christmas can feel the hype.  Without a doubt, the most common question I hear these days is:

“ARE YOU READY FOR CHRISTMAS YET?”  – usually said with a sense of hesitance, like the question itself might cause someone to come unhinged.

Hmmm…. am I ready?  For what?  Family time?  Good food?  Contributing to my community? (if only the question meant those things to everyone, I think the chaos and stress that seems to accompany this time of year would be gone)

Unfortunately, I think it usually translates more like this:

Are you Ready?   Have you… gotten Santa pictures taken? Made and mailed photo cards to everyone? Shopped? Shopped some more?  Found the perfect present destined to reward you with that prized reaction from your kids on Christmas morning?  Outdid yourself from last year?  Spent more money than you could afford? Planned dinners?  Scheduled family visits?  Pencilled in holiday parties? Got haircuts and new holiday outfits for the family? Made sure your house was clean for a week of entertaining? Meticulously scheduled your time co-ordinating family visits – hopefully that don’t require days of travel or a Christmas day of house-hopping? Double-checked your list to make sure you didn’t forget someone?  And shopped some more?

Maybe it is hard to believe, but the week around December 25th is usually one of the most peaceful and relaxing weeks of the year for me.  I believe this is because of a few factors.  1 – We’ve lived in a different province from family for the past 15 years.  So our holidays either involve traveling or a quiet time with the four of us.  2 – When our kids were still babies, I saw how incredibly stressed out parents were at this time of year, and we vowed that we would do things differently.  3 – It was easy for us to start with simple gifts because our first few Christmases as a family were at a time that we simply had no extra money to be lavish with.

And so my top tips for bringing some PEACE AND JOY back into the holidays are these:

1 – START SIMPLE AND KEEP IT THAT WAY.   Let’s face it, babies don’t know the difference, toddlers are happier with the boxes and paper, and kids innately have the capacity to find joy in very small things.  As I’ve said in an earlier blog, it is usually us, as parents, that keep going bigger and better every year – and then wonder why our children are constantly wanting more.

(I had this conversation today with a mom of two young kids.  I was appalled when she told me that she has bought 8 substantial gifts for each of her kids, and that all 6 grandparents have bought another 5-6 gifts as well.  Her eyes almost bugged out of her head when I told her that we’ve always only bought one gift per child – and then, with a wistful look in her eyes told me that she wished she had started that way.  I suggested that if it were me, wanting to break that pattern, I’d plan a holiday vacation for an upcoming year.  I’d let the kids know the holiday was in place of presents, and then start anew – more simply – the following year.  (As for me, I can’t wait to experience a future Christmas in the Caribbean)

2 – GIVE GIFTS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.  This is very different from giving gifts because you have to.  Would you rather receive a gift that someone happily and willingly gave to you?  Or one that you know was out of obligation?  I think we have become afraid of setting limits for gift-giving.  For me, when I give a gift, I get as much joy out of it as I expect the person gets from being on the receiving end.

The exchanging of gifts is a two-way street.  And it should feel win-win in both directions.

In my opinion, if you feel obligated to give gifts – that joy will be lacking (possibly even undermined by some subconscious irritation or resentment)  – both of which indicate that there is simply a conversation that needs to happen.  As often happens, you may just be surprised when you suggest cutting back and find that that idea brings a look of relief to other people’s faces as well.

There are lots of great ideas families have for keeping the fun and spirit of gift-giving alive.  Like exchanging names each year.  Or making it into a game – like Secret Santa, or “The Present Game”.  Or making a rule that presents have to be home-made.

3 – DONATE TO YOUR COMMUNITY.  I know that sometimes I get so caught up in my own life, that I forget that so many others have less than we do.  Less love, less security, less family, less food, less money – you name it.  Especially at this time of year – and its tendency to be very consumeristic – it can be very grounding to donate your time or money to others in your community.

Every year I make an effort to contribute a little more than at other times of year.  Each year in my practice, we have run food drives, or collected donations for a local woman’s shelter.

Other years I’ve brought the kids to pick out a toy they’d like to receive – with the understanding that it would be given to a child who might not be getting anything else that year.  We started this when Audra was 4, as I didn’t think she would understand well enough at an earlier age.  I was so pleasantly surprised at how much they grasped the concept of giving joy to others who are less fortunate.  Even at that young age, there was never once a whine that they wanted the toys for themselves.

But my favourite was the year the kids made dozens of Christmas cards that we brought and gave out at the local nursing home on Christmas Eve.  At the time, it was our first Christmas that we chose to stay in Ontario by ourselves – and I will admit that one of my motivations was to remind myself that there are many people who are lonely during the holidays – which is something that I will never experience as long as I am with my husband and kids.

Just like giving gifts, contributing to your community is another way to create a win-win situation.  No matter how difficult your own life may be at times, I suspect it may be impossible to feel badly about helping someone in need.  Rather, it brings up wonderful feelings of gratitude and a deep sense of inner peace.  Two things that are so crucial to truly enjoying the holidays.

And lastly,

4 – ASK YOURSELF:  DOES THIS BRING ME JOY?  Over the years, as we’ve made our decisions about the holidays, and the traditions we wanted to create, this single question is what has guided me.  I don’t mean it in the sense of being negligent of other people’s feelings.  I mean to check within yourself to see what choices make you feel those things that the holidays are meant to embrace: peace, love, gratitude, and joy.

For me, this list is simple.  I want quality time with family, good food, to feel like I have helped others in my community… and a good book to read.  For some people, this list  may include spending a day decorating their house, baking, filling their homes with guests, or a multitude of family traditions.

I challenge you to stop during this busy time and ask yourself:

What parts of the holidays fill me up with joy?

What things must be in place for me to feel content?

Who do I wish to spend my time with?

Where would I most like to spend my time?

What choices help my family be most at peace?

What traditions mean something to me – so much so that I’d like to pass them on to my kids?

I wonder what would happen if everyone stopped to reflect on these questions.  I wonder how many people would stop in their tracks and start to scratch things off their to-do lists?  I wonder how many people would remember what matters most about this time of year?

My wish is that more people would take just a few minutes during these busy days to slow down, breathe, and choose to create the holidays with great intention – while getting fully present to all of the beauty around them.

Whatever path you may choose, whatever tradition you may celebrate – my wish for you is simply this:  for your days to be filled with peace, love, and joy.

Image

Christmas Eve 2012 in Nova Scotia

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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