Category Archives: Pregnancy and Birth

A Love Letter to My Son (AKA Ethan’s Birth Story)

20 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by in Fully expressed, Pregnancy and Birth

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Hangin’ with Ethan in Cuba

Have you ever looked over at your own child and thought “Wow, what a cool kid!”? Well, yesterday I got to spend the entire day with Ethan.   With Dean in Edmonton visiting his mom (and getting to celebrate his Baba’s 95th birthday), and Audra invited for the weekend on a friend’s boat – it’s been a weekend of just me and my boy.  And I must say: he is exceptionally great company.

This is how I found myself to be enjoying a lunch date with him at a table for two.  As I sat across from him, listening intently to his animated stories and observations, it hit me: eleven years ago to this day, I hadn’t even met him yet.  At the time, I was nine days ‘overdue’ with him, excitedly, (and frustratingly) waiting for my baby to be born.  And as excited as I was to become a mom, I was completely unprepared for the all-encompassing love I was going to have for this unique human being.  The concept that one day I would be having deep conversations while on ‘a date’ with him was entirely unfathomable.

Ethan at 3 months old

On this day eleven years ago, I was anxiously awaiting that moment when I would get to hold my baby in my arms for the first time.  I was fervently hoping that our plans to have him born at home would be realized – and while nervous about the birth as a first-time mom – I did feel confident that I could do this.

As I sat across from Ethan yesterday, thoroughly enjoying his company, all of those memories came flooding back to me . This was likely heightened by the fact that his birthday is tomorrow, as well as by my recent re-discovery of the 13-page, 6,500-word letter I wrote to him about the days, hours and minutes leading up to his birth.

So – Ethan – these words were written for YOU, all about your birth story:

First off, you arrived 11 days after our midwives had anticipated.  While we were always of the mind that babies come when babies are ready – I’d have to say that your tendency to move at a leisurely pace started even before you were born!  However, I focused on being patient, and remembering that everything would happen exactly as it should, and at the right time:

“During the last months of pregnancy, I would talk to you often – about all the people you would be meeting, introducing you to your Dad and Casey (our dog), and towards the end, I would talk often about your upcoming birth.  I would explain that it might be scary, and it might be uncomfortable, and that it would be an experience that only you and I could share.  I would always tell you that we would be working together-  doing everything we could to ensure a warm and comfortable atmosphere, and a beautiful birth experience.  Through it all, I told you that we were a team, and that you could come whenever you felt ready.

As I’ve told you, your labour was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but was also the most exhilarating experience I have ever had:

“… I became so internalized that little around me was noticed.  I had no concept of time, nor of who was with me.  Every bit of my attention was inside of myself, and with you.  I didn’t consciously think during this time – I simply breathed or moaned my way through each wave.”

“As the surging waves of force would wash over me, it felt as if every part of my being was joining together to help bring you to me.  It was so innately driven that I didn’t have to think, push, or make efforts – I simply surrendered to the sensations, and the life forces within my own body bringing you increasingly closer to being in this world.”

After a few intense hours of labour, you were ready to be born:

“…On the next contraction you slipped easily into your Dad’s waiting hands.  Your dad handed you to me, my first time holding you in my arms, though my body had held you so securely for so long.  I felt no surprise at seeing that you were a little boy, and was overwhelmed with love and gratitude.  And amazed at your calm, dark eyes.  You seemed so serene and wise.  The thought surfaced, ‘What a wise old soul I have brought into this world.”

As I sat across from Ethan at lunch yesterday, I felt like I was seeing him in two different snapshots in time.  Here I was, going back in time to the day he was born – while simultaneously being hit with the realization that one day relatively soon, he would make one fantastic date.  Interesting, animated and thoughtful – and still with those most beautiful, full-of-life brown eyes imaginable.  I felt like I was being given the gift of foresight – looking at my eleven-year-old son – while glimpsing the man that he will one day become, and feeling proud beyond words.

Ethan –  on the night that you were born, I learned the most important lessons of my life.  

Firstly – It was when you were born that I first realized how strong I could be. “Never before have I felt so connected to nature, to myself, and to the amazing power inside of me.”  It was in becoming a mom that I discovered a deeper, stronger, and wiser part of myself.  As I’ve told you many times before: When you were born, I was born too… as a mom.  In every way possible, your birth transformed me, and helped make me the person I am today.  I know that I am not perfect, that I make mistakes, and sometimes lose my cool – but I will forever look upon you (and your sister) as the greatest gifts I can give this world to help make it a better place.

And secondly –  There is nothing on earth that is stronger or more powerful than the love a mother feels for her children. “Every dream I had of holding you in my arms did not compare, and that love I feel in every fiber of my being only grows greater every day.” Ethan, I wrote those words within days of first meeting you.  And now, eleven years later, I still see them as truth.  Every day – even the hard ones – I love you more.

I look at you and see the amazing person you are, and can only glimpse the extraordinary person you are in the process of becoming: a wise and conscientious, fun-loving and adventurous, deep-thinking and creative person that I look forward to knowing, loving and spending lots of time with in the years to come.

I love you, Ethan, and I am so incredibly proud to be your mom.

Our family 10 years ago, on the Halifax waterfront (2004)

 

 

 

 

 

40 Weeks of Pregnancy

05 Friday Jul 2013

Posted by in Pregnancy and Birth, The Baby Years, Women Empowered

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Yesterday ended in the most beautiful, life-affirming way, as I witnessed the bond between pregnant couples as they connected at the end of the yoga session that rounded out the Birth by Design workshop in my practice.  Looking at the five couples – all parents-to-be for the first time – I was reminded yet again of how beautiful it is to experience and witness this powerful stage of life – and how quickly pregnancy (and life with a newborn) flies.

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We get so used to women lamenting how long their pregnancy feels, how they just want the baby to come.  I understand that some women are uncomfortable, and that most are apprehensive about what the birth itself may bring.  But quite honestly, this ‘just get this over with’ approach to pregnancy makes me sad (while also relieved to not pick up on that in the group yesterday).  While I remember feeling like I was pregnant for ages, or that days with a newborn sometimes lasted for an eternity – I also remember taking many moments to just be, connected to how magical and awe-inspiring it is to hold a life in your body or your baby in your arms.

For women who are struggling through their pregnancies, my wish is that they could refocus – away from those things that are challenging – and towards what life is bringing to them. I wonder if they sometimes get so caught up in the daily things that they lose sight of the bigger picture?

Have they taken a moment to truly realize how miraculous it is that their body is creating a new life?

Have they given a moment’s thought to any of the women out there who are unable to get pregnant and who would give anything to do so? 

It’s not that pregnancy doesn’t have real challenges – or motherhood for that matter.  Both do.  But when you put your time and energy on what is wrong, you may lose sight of all of those things that are oh-so-right.

In the big scheme of things, pregnancy lasts a blink of an eye: A short 40 weeks in a life that will likely have over 4000 weeks.  For one percent of your life, you get to feel your unborn child move, grow and thrive within your body.  For one percent of your life, you have irrefutable proof of life as a miracle, and your body as a vessel for the power of all of creation.

Personally, I am grateful beyond words that I was able to have that experience.  In giving birth, not only did I meet the two most beautiful and important people in my life – but I also discovered how very powerful I can be.  For me, birth opened the doors to fully trusting myself, knowing that I am strong beyond what I thought was possible, and a deep knowing that I can do anything that I put my mind and my heart into.  

Best version quote

Becoming a mom has helped make me the person I am today.  I know that I have my shortcomings, but I also know my strengths.  I have had to face the fact that everything isn’t always perfect, that I can’t make everyone happy, and that I don’t always know the answers.  Traversing these uncharted waters as a parent, however, is what has allowed me to discover myself as a much more insightful, understanding, empathetic, and authentic human being.  Living up to my job as a role model holds me to the highest level of accountability.  And so, for me – birth ushers in more than one new life.  Like I’ve told Ethan: when he was born, I was born too – as a mom.  I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I will always do my best, and it will always come from a place of love.

All of this underlies why I was so moved last night as I watched the expecting couples bond, connect to the power they have within, and come to trust more and more in their ability to not just ‘get through this’ – but to embrace these brief moments, enjoy them, and revel in preparing themselves for the momentous occasion of welcoming their children into this world.

The truth is that it makes me sad to know that I have passed to the other side of the pregnancy, birth and baby stage of my life.  And while I am happy with my two wonderful children – and about to enter into the pre-teen stages of parenthood – I miss those days.

I miss being pregnant, and feeling my babies move inside of me.  I miss that unique bond that forms over those fleeting 40 weeks of pregnancy.

I am even sad that I will never again get to experience birth.  Some people may think I’m crazy about this one, but there has never been another time in my life that demonstrated to me just how powerful our bodies are, or that gave me such indisputable proof of just how powerful I am.

In this busy, crazy, fast-paced world we live in, one of my saving graces has been to consciously and consistently take time to be present to the moments that are happening right now.  Being fully present to life as it unfolds.  It passes by so very quickly.

So please, embrace those 40 weeks.  Cherish those moments – even when they are hard, or you’re tired, sore, cranky or feel like being ‘done’.  Because one day, you’ll realize that it has passed in an instant – and my wish for you is that you recall it all with as much overwhelming love, tenderness and awe as I feel right now.

I believe that all of life is miraculous, and that there are daily glimpses of this magic.  Pregnancy and birth, for me, is the epitome of it all.  Please cherish it.

baby

Newborn Miracles

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in Creating Health, My Chiropractic Life, Pregnancy and Birth

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I have just come from a home visit to check a newborn for the first time.  After years of doing this, the sense of wonder and awe that newborns instill in me is still fully intact. When I look at children –newborns in particular – I see all that is right with the world, wrapped up in this pure package of perfection.  Nature simply does not program for failure.

It is the greatest honour I can be given for a parent to place their precious child in my hands.  It is the ultimate show of trust, and one I will never take for granted.

To those of you unfamiliar with chiropractic – and I pretty much guarantee my approach is different from what many of you may think – suffice it to say that the healthiest children I know have all been adjusted since birth.  (But that is a topic for another day altogether.  Anyone too impatient to wait can check out more at http://www.vibrantlifechiropractic.com)

What I know is this: Our bodies are designed to be extraordinary.  They are designed with an inner wisdom that coordinates every function of every cell.  Perhaps this is evident when we gaze upon a newborn, or explore the wonders of pregnancy, but too often people seem to forget that the same power that made you (and your child) is there every single day of your life.

My advice:  LEARN TO TRUST IT.

When it comes to newborns, there is no doubt that birth can be stressful enough to warrant a chiropractic check up in the best of cases.  So my “job” gives me the opportunity to work with the natural healing abilities of the body, effectively turning the power on every day. I get to hold and cuddle babies, play with kids, watch them grow and thrive being healthy, and vital – just as nature intended.

In my opinion, the first step in creating your own peace of mind lies in learning to trust yourself.  Ask questions.  Let your own intuition be one of your decision-making guides. Surround yourself with people and resources who reinforce this and leave you feeling informed, empowered and capable.

The reality is that we are all miracles.  I simply choose to remember this as being the normal state of humankind – meaning this:  we are all pure possibility and potential.

Remember – you were designed for this journey called parenthood.  YOU are the expert, the doctor and the healer … otherwise known as MOM.

The Selective Memory of Birth

23 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in My Chiropractic Life, Pregnancy and Birth

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This morning in my chiropractic practice, I had a new mom come in for an adjustment.  Her comment was “I feel like I’m falling apart,” followed by “No one told me how hard having a baby was going to be on me after the birth.”

After years in practice, I have to wonder:  What is it that leads women to think that the hardest part of becoming a mom is going through childbirth?  Is it just the fact that it can hurt?  Or that we have images from the media that are often horrible depictions of this miraculous process?  But yet, once you’ve “crossed that hurdle” and baby is in your arms, it’s all smooth sailing…

I mean, THINK about it – it takes ten months for your body to co-ordinate the process that transforms two cells into a whole human being.  I personally believe that as women, we need those ten months to grapple with all of the changes about to take place in our lives, let alone the changes happening in our bodies.  The reality is that from the time conception occurs, and even moreso with the birth of your child, your whole UNIVERSE shifts – FOREVER.  Add into the mix the layers of physical, mental and emotional challenges of mommy-hood, a few years of poor sleep and out-of-whack hormones, and it’s no wonder we go through the mommy-roller-coaster of ups and downs, aches and pains, and tears and laughter.   And all the while expecting ourselves to be supermoms.

I think the reasons no one tells expectant parents some of the challenges they may face are varied:

Firstly – most people don’t speak up to volunteer the areas where we feel we are inadequate.  You never hear someone start a conversation with “Hey, you know what I’m really BAD at…?!”  So for the most part, we put up a strong front (and makeup to cover the bags under the eyes) and act as if everything is just fine.  (and to keep up with the act, we don’t ask for help when we most need it)

Secondly, in nature’s wise programming, we conveniently FORGET those great challenges once a little time has passed. Otherwise, the thought of going through subsequent births, life with a newborn or years of sleep deprivation might cause some parents to opt-out of having more kids. Hence, we forget, and keep on going.

But thirdly, (and fortunately) those relatively short-lived, poignant moments of pregnancy, birth and life with babies tend to overshadow any of the downfalls.  We effectively edit our memory banks to focus on what felt good.  And that’s a beautiful thing – selective memory at its best.

And so I am left, once again, marveling at nature’s wisdom.  Does giving birth hurt?  Sure.  But that is quickly superseded by the most exhilarating, head-over-heels-in-love sense of euphoria and contentment from the first moment you hold your child.

I personally believe that life prepares us for what is yet to come.  Birth is challenging, there is no doubt.  But so is parenthood.  I often have told my son (my first-born) that when he was born, I was born, too… as a mother.  I didn’t always know what I was doing (I still don’t…) but I am committed to doing my best: loving my children, keeping them safe, and keeping them healthy.  I admit to them that I make mistakes, and that I don’t have all the answers.  It leaves me free to laugh, cry, be silly, dance, be sad, be mad, and ultimately be me. A mom doing her best.

So do I tell women in my practice that being a mom is all fun and games, that birth is painless, or that everything will just “come to them”?  No, not at all.  But I do remind them that no one loves their children like they do, that they are doing the best they can, and that they are ALL super mamas in my mind.