Tag Archives: Freedom

Family, Freedom and Experiencing

07 Sunday Apr 2013

Posted by in Extended family, My Life as a Wife, Our Family Adventures, The Baby Years

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Five years ago I was on a beach in Cuba as my sister, who I adore, was married.  It was a sunny, beautiful day, with a breeze coming off the water to where we stood under the shade of the trees.  The background sounds were of the waves gently crashing a few feet away, our brother singing, and Dean playing guitar.  With a simple ceremony, followed by playful pictures in the waves, and climbing trees, our group celebrated together.

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At the time, Dean’s parents had flown to Ontario to watch Ethan and Audra, who were almost 5 and 3 years old.  At the time, there were no cousins yet born – and now there are five: 3 to my sister and 2 to my brother.  Again, I am astonished at how time flies so quickly, and yet those moments feel like yesterday.

For us, it was the first time away from our children.  And while I missed them – at times intensely, the other part of me that craves freedom revelled in the contrast between how busy those years were for us, and the luxury of being able to fully and completely relax.   The concept of relaxation had entirely been lost on me for years at that point.

One thing I doubt I will ever take for granted is the ease that comes from having family nearby to help out.  I can say that with confidence, I believe, simply because it’s one thing we have never had in our time as parents.  With both of our families in different provinces, our early years were spent relying solely on each other.  And the contrast we experienced when traveling to Alberta or Nova Scotia to visit our parents – or when they came to us – was striking.  I will forever say that I am grateful that we had passed (in one piece!) to the other side of the toddler years when my sister and brother started their families.  I am quite certain that I would have been green with envy, and wallowed in tired self pity if I had seen how much support was available, and how much of a social life was possible if grandparents happened to live close by.  I do not for one second begrudge that my siblings had that extra help where we did not – after all, we were the ones who chose to stay in Ontario.

However, with the backdrop of five years of constant baby and toddler years and the busyness (and sometimes chaos) that entails, both Dean and I admittedly had one of the best weeks of our lives when we travelled to Cuba sans-kids.  Even amongst the group of friends/wedding guests, the comments were made that we just might have been the most relaxed people at the entire resort.  And they just may have been right. (We had five years worth banked!)

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Don’t get me wrong:  we missed our kids.  I can still vividly remember calling home one day to hear Audra wailing my name – as I broke down into a blubbering mess.  Despite my desire to not make it harder on them, I just couldn’t quite control the emotions that stirred from knowing my babies missed me from so far away.  And yet…  after a little time, that too waned, as I got present to the gift of time I had in front of me.  Time to enjoy the sun, spend time with my husband, have fun with my sister and friends, and to hang out with my parents.  It was our first time to an all-inclusive.  It was our first time traveling to a different country together.  And it was glorious.  The little taste of freedom it gave me was worth every second of the episodes of heartache.

The experience awoke in me the desire to travel, play, experience and be free – both with my husband, and with our children.  I realized that we could have our busy lives, and travel, too.  We resolved then and there that we would do more of this.  I realized that the time and effort we put into our daily lives, balancing work, kids and our marriage – while wonderful – also created the need to occasionally step away from it all and just simply be.

And now, several years later, and with a few more trips under our belt (including ones with our kids), it is a goal of ours to work towards truly having it all:  regular travel together as a couple, and travel with our kids. And we hope one day to travel with our extended family, and to share some of those future experiences with some of our closest friends.

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I don’t know how it will all play out.  I don’t know how often we will travel, nor exactly where we will end up. (But we have lots of fun watching travel documentaries, and dreaming up ideas)  With the value we place on family, freedom and experiencing, all I know for sure that I intend to live my life to the fullest, gaining great experiences and learning with Dean, Ethan and Audra.

One of the great realizations in my life was that I would rather buy an experience than a ‘thing’.  If I had to choose, I would rather live a more simple life – with travel and adventure – than a luxurious one always at home.  For us, having new experiences is what life is all about.

Upon reflection, I think that I would not have so greatly appreciated the exhilaration of that first Cuba trip if we had been living with family close by.  I think I may have been guilty of taking my freedom for granted, if having someone to call on had always been the norm.  But, like the saying that every cloud has its silver lining, perhaps one of the best gifts we have gained from having a family that is ‘geographically challenged’ is the appreciation for the moment in front of us.  For time.  For freedom.  For the people around us.  For new experiences.  And the desire to reach for more.

Cuba, I think, was just the wake up call.  And what a glorious one it was.

(Happy Anniversary Andrea and Andrew!!)

A Break from the Daily Routine

12 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by in A Working Mom, Fully expressed, Life Lessons

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A few years ago a coach of mine told me that, “All work, no play makes Amy no fun”. Ouch.  “What?!  Me? No fun?!” I thought, aghast – “I don’t ever want to be that person.”  (I pictured someone old and boring – two words I never want to be used to describe me.)

At the time of the conversation, I had just taken quite a leap to open my own practice, we had just bought our first home, and our kids were still toddlers – very dependent, and definitely NOT sleeping all night – if my hazy, sleep-deprived memories serve me correctly.

I realized then and there the reality that if I wanted to keep the busy pace of my life, I also had to take some time to relax and reboot.  And so, with the wise coaching of my mentor, I started planning in ways to get a break from the daily routine.  While my rational mind may have resisted “I can’t afford it!”  or “I have too much to get done!”  the deeper part of myself recognized the simple truth he was trying to teach me: I am the best version of ME when I take time to recharge my batteries.  I am happiest, most productive, most innovative, most playful, and most inspired when my tanks have been filled.  Filled with rest, quality time, playfulness, love, adventure, laughter, and connection. Without his guidance, I wonder how many years I may have gone on without valuing my own need to recharge – and could have run the risk of forgetting these things that are so essential to truly LIVING.

What I have come to realize is that it doesn’t take a lot for me to recharge.  What I need is to have a brief time in which I am completely removed from my daily routine – not because I want to escape anything in my life (as a matter of fact, I think my life is pretty awesome) – but rather because how it helps me bring my ‘best game’ to my daily life.  I revel in the freedom of having less responsibility – at least, temporarily.  (Let’s be realistic, here…) Let me be anywhere, for any amount of time with the following factors present, and my tanks will automatically start to fill:

Let me be responsible for nothing more than the safety, full bellies and appropriate protection from the elements for myself and my family.

Let me be surrounded by beauty and nature.

Let me eat good food – and have absolutely NO ROLE in the planning, preparation or clean up (unless I choose to).

Let me have no set schedule unless we have a special planned activity we want to do.

Let me sleep when I want, read when I want, and play when I want.

Let me feel fully present and in-the-moment, full of gratitude for the people I am with.

And let me create happy, loving memories to fill me up continuously after it is all over.

When all of these criteria are present, it does not matter if my “vacation” lasts 24 hours or 2 weeks, costs pennies or thousands of dollars, takes place an hour from our home, or a plane ride away.

(For the record, I can’t find all of these things in my own back yard, as my to-do list doesn’t seem to leave me while I am in my own home, and the sense of responsibility won’t leave me until I drive – or fly – away) 

And as a side note – I also plan time when I recharge my batteries without anyone else to be responsible for.  This could be getting a pedicure, a day shopping, a trip home to Halifax, or a weekend away with girlfriends.  And Dean and I plan time away without our kids (so far we’ve gone to Cuba, and on a cruise – but more often plan the occasional night way at a B&B, or a concert (going to see Dave Matthews in concert is an annual event for us).  Combining these mini-vacations with our planned family ones truly makes me feel like my life and play time is well rounded and full.  Time for me, my marriage, and my family = completion.

What matters is that I always remember my highest values: family, freedom, and experiencing.  For me it’s all about living life to the fullest.

What matters is that I have come to value my own time to recharge – I feel more myself, more at ease, more grateful for my life, the people in it, and the memories I will be left with.

What matters is that I know that I deserve my time to recharge – that it helps me be a better me, a better mom, wife, and chiropractor and ultimately a better human being.

In the effort to consciously create our lives from a place of integrity, walking our talk, and being role models for our children (and in my case, my practice) – I have to agree with my wise coach.  All work and no play just doesn’t work for me.

One of the deepest drives that exists is to want to make a difference in the world.    I want to make a massive difference in people’s lives –  starting with me and my family, and rippling outwards to impact everyone I come in contact with.  And quite simply, I don’t know how to do that unless I take care of myself, helping others live their lives to the fullest – first by doing so myself.

At the end of my life I picture myself being able to look anyone in the eye and state with absolute certainty that I lived, I laughed, I played.  I made a difference.

And THAT has made all the difference.

(much better than old and boring, wouldn’t you agree?!)