Tag Archives: relationships

Boycotting Valentine’s Day

13 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by in Life Lessons, My Life as a Wife

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Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  Love Day.  I’d like to boycott the whole thing.  (Sorry to anyone who is  a big fan, but Dean and I are both of the same opinion on this one.  You can take it or leave it… or just not read any further.)

Every day should be about love.  365 days a year.  Not just one.

Despite letting our kids in on our thoughts on this one, for now, the boycott is only involving Dean and I.  Our kids are happily choosing cards to give to their classmates, and Audra is picking out her all-pink Valentine’s Day ensemble.  Perhaps in subconscious boycott of it all, I forgot to pick up cards for them when I was out earlier.  I know there are all kinds of left overs somewhere in our house from previous years… but finding them is another issue altogether.  Luckily Dean was able to score a few dusty boxes that the convenience store had stored out back – and even better, the kids liked them.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the kids having a little fun.  (Other than another excuse for sugar at school, I guess)  But it does irk me somewhat to think how sad it is that so many people think that making a big deal of their relationships every once in a while lets them off the hook for the rest of the year.  Do I care about chocolates, flowers or cards?  Or jewelry, for that matter?  No.

I care that I have a husband who lets me know every day that I am loved and beautiful.  I care that compliments are a daily part of my life.  I care that we enjoy each others’ company.  I care that my husband knows and understands me better than any other person in my life.  I care that we are free to be ourselves in our relationship, and have never tried to change each other.  I care that we have been married for more than ten years that we would do it all again tomorrow.  I care that our children are growing up in a home that is based on love, mutual respect and togetherness.

We are not perfect – but then again, I personally don’t think a “perfect relationship” exists.  Mostly because I don’t believe that people are perfect.  But when we can let go of trying to be impossibly perfect, maybe we can build as strong a relationship as possible. Accepting the ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses is part of the deal.  Relationships take work.  You don’t get to choose just the good parts.  But you can choose how well you love someone- and how well you love yourself.

I consider it a huge accomplishment that we got through our early years with young babies (and no family close by) – growing closer and stronger as a couple.  Maybe those years of sleep deprivation and busy-ness just showed us that the most important parts of our life are right there in front of us, every single day.  And so, for us, celebrating love only one day a year is quite simply a form of neglect. (and don’t get me started on the gross commercialism of it all)

My wish for our children is for them to grow up witnessing a loving relationship.  My wish is that they are filled with self love, spend their lives bringing more of it into the world, and one day, when the times comes, find someone to mirror that same love back to them.

My hope for the world is that interactions and decisions both large and small will be made more and more from a place of love, acceptance and connectedness.  My hope for every person is that they go through their days feeling loved, supported, heard, and adored.  My hope for every person is that they live a life full of love, kindness, and contribution.

What a world that would be.

Like I said, take it or leave it.  Either way, for Valentines’ Day, and every day – I wish you love.

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A Date with Dave Matthews

11 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by in Fully expressed, My Life as a Wife

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I am a huge fan of Dave Matthews Band.  I have been since I first heard their music in 1996.  And in recent years, going to their concerts has become one of the highlights for date nights for Dean and me.   (And if I have to be entirely honest, meeting him and his band members are also on our “bucket list”… just putting that out there, just in case anyone who reads this can pull some strings…!)

So, this past weekend, Dean and I made arrangements to go to the concert, booked a room downtown, and enjoyed a 24-hour date.  This is something we try to do every once in a while – which can be tricky when you live far away from family as we do.  Living in a different province exempts us from the proximity of built-in babysitters.

When our kids were young, we got to go out only if we were visiting family in Halifax or Edmonton – so essentially we got a “date night” once or twice a year.  I remember celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary with our first overnight away (Ethan was three and Audra was one – and my parents happened to be visiting)  We had a great time, and I remember noticing how Dean got my full and undivided attention – quite possibly for the first time in three years.  We were away for a wonderful 28 hours – during the last 4 of which I have to admit I was like a junkie wanting to get back to my babies.  But it made me realize how important it is for our relationship to spend quality time together, and how easy it can be to get caught up in the busyness of life, losing your connection in the process.  I did not want to be one of those people who wake up one day after their children have grown to realize that they no longer know the person they are married to.

We have always felt that an essential part in providing a loving home lies in keeping our relationship strong – a benefit to us, as well as to them.  It has always been important to us to that our children grow up in a home with parents who clearly love each other.  In much the same way that I feel it is healthy (and essential) to take care of ourselves individually to bring the best of who we are into our roles as mothers, wives, friends, etc – I feel it is healthy to take care of our marriage to provide the central strength to our family.  I believe a weak or neglected marriage weakens the whole family dynamic.

So, for us, having dates has become an important part of keeping this intact.  We try to plan a night out without kids once a month (a habit that admittedly we occasionally fall off track from)  This works best when we schedule it into our lives so that it doesn’t get lost in the passage of time.

Now that Ethan and Audra are older, we try to go away overnight several times a year, with the icing on the cake being the two times we have gone away entirely.  Once to Cuba for a week, and once on a 4-day cruise with friends.  Both times our parents travelled to Ontario to watch our children.  Admittedly, I miss my children when I am away from them.  But the time is glorious, exhilarating and wonderful.  It is good for me to be able to step out of my mommy role.  It is good for Dean and I to have fun enjoying each other’s company.  And while our children may indeed prefer us to always be home with them, we point out to them how fortunate they are to have parents who love each other and who want to spend time together.

I would like plan our time to include annual family travel, and annual travel with Dean.  Neither has to be elaborate – the idea is to get out of the daily routine, enjoy each other’s company, and to be the kind of relationship I would like my children to have for themselves one day.  It’s entirely a win-win situation.

And in the celebration of love, making a difference and working together – all things celebrated in one of Dave Matthew’s recent songs, Mercy – Enjoy!