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Mom on Purpose

~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

Mom on Purpose

Tag Archives: Role Models

Celebrating Dean

01 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by Dr. Amy Robinson in Fully expressed, My Life as a Wife

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Gratitude, Love, Marriage, Role Models

Today is Dean’s birthday – and almost 15 years to the day that we met.   At the time, he was living in Edmonton and I was living 3 hours away in Calgary – just after graduating from university.  And on the weekend that we met, I knew that he was ‘the one’ for me.  How I knew, well, I can’t quite say.  But I vividly remember the bus ride back to Calgary as I journaled my surprised certainty that I had just met the guy I was going to marry.  And the funny thing was that we hadn’t kissed, hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, and had set up nothing to see each other again.  But, in the way that the world sometimes works out – I was right – and by the end of that month we had seen each other several more times and knew with an uncanny certainty that we would be spending our lives together.  In many ways I find it mind-boggling that I was only 22 when we met.  At the time, I can’t say that I was really that certain of who I was – but I was definitely on the path to learning – and obviously (thankfully!) in touch enough to know that this guy was the one for me.

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Flash forward several years (and another province), and we were married; another few years and we were a family of four, just getting started in life.  It was busy – sometimes chaotic – but wonderful at the same time.  One image that always stood out for me was from a book I read.  It was to picture our family like a wheel – with our marriage as the center spoke.  That has always stuck with me – that our relationship would be the center of our family life.  And I believe that one of the reasons that we got through those crazy earlier years with kids was because we kept sight of that.

I consider one of the greatest successes in my life to be our marriage and family life.  On the worst of days, I know that I have a partner in life who loves me, believes in me, and makes me feel cherished every single day.  I depend on him and his love to help keep me strong on the days that I feel weak, and beautiful on the days that I feel old and tired.  If I am able to help other people in my life, and be the kind of mother, wife, chiropractor and human being that I most want to be – it is in part because of the strength I gain from his love and support.

He is the most loving husband I could ever wish for, my best friend, and an amazing father.

I sincerely hope that our children will grow up to have a relationship as strong as ours, and to be parents as committed as he is.  (Yet another example of the importance of being role models for our children)

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Not a day has gone by in our lives together without saying that we love each other .  And for all of these 15 years, I have never once doubted that he is still ‘the one’ for me.

(Happy birthday Dean!  I LOVE YOU)

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Audra and her Sword

28 Sunday Apr 2013

Posted by Dr. Amy Robinson in Raising Independent Thinkers, Women Empowered

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Girl Power, parenting little girls, Role Models

Audra had her heart set on a sword.  And she now sleeps with it beside her on her bed.

Audra sleeping with her sword by her side

Audra sleeping with her sword by her side

Considering the stand I take for kindness, compassion, living from our hearts – and non-violence, it may seem strange that I had no issue with my daughter wanting a sword.  Yes, I envision a world that is healthy, whole, peaceful and connected.  And I have already stated that I will never be okay with violent games in our house.  But in this case, I think that despite the sword being a weapon, I see it as a symbol for more than that for her.

After all, an item itself is not inherently good or bad.  It is the intention of the user that makes it so.  According to her, she wanted it because ‘it has diamonds on it and it is cool.’  ‘And Xena, Warrior Princess has one.’

I guess I like that her shift in “princess adulation” has gone from the omnipresent Disney princesses to a stronger female role model.  (not that I feel Xena is the ideal – but it is certainly an improvement in my mind)  In this capacity, her new-found sword is a symbol of strength, being of service to people and fighting for good.  And I’m okay with that.

(Plus, the sword soon to be mounted on her wall – although I don’t doubt that in true Audra-style, I will occasionally find it tucked into bed beside her anyways.  She has a quarky habit of wanting to sleep with anything that is ‘new’ or ‘special’ – and obviously that is not exclusively reserved for soft, cuddly things!)

So let me explain my rationale with this:

I believe that people need to embrace all sides of their nature.  And I believe that every person holds every trait under the sun.  In fact, I believe that we could all be capable of anything – good or bad – if given the right (or wrong) set of life circumstances.

I also believe that when it comes to differences between males and females, we are equally strong, but in different ways.  I believe that men can be determined, ambitious, and powerful, as well as thoughtful, kind and loving.  I believe that women can be nurturing and compassionate and intuitive – as well as competitive, driven and strong.  I believe that it is by embracing all parts of ourselves that we find harmony, and allow the expression of our best selves possible.

I believe that powerful females – and heartfelt males – might just bring the balance of strength, compassion and nurturing that our world so desperately needs to heal, thrive and evolve to something better.

From this place, we make a conscious effort with our kids to nurture all sides of them. 

And so, when Audra saw this sword – with dragon heads and jewels on it – I didn’t have a problem with her wanting to spend her money on it.  I see one of her greatest strengths as being kind-hearted and generous.  But she is also determined, head-strong, and fiesty.  If she set her heart on having a sword: no problem.

She can be the warrior princess of our family.  I have no doubt that she will be a stand for all that is good in the world.

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Lessons I Learned from my Mom

15 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by Dr. Amy Robinson in Extended family, Life Lessons, Women Empowered

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Appreciation, Lessons, Parenting, Role Models

My mom is one of the smartest people I know.  In actual fact, I was hoping to have spent this weekend with her, as it was her birthday.  However, priorities in my own family kept me in Ontario – but with many moments with thoughts of my mom on my mind.

It is absolutely true that some things you just don’t understand in life until you become a parent.  I can’t say that I was ever admonished to “just wait until you have kids” as a means of explaining my parents’ point of view, but suffice it to say that I have gained a greater degree of understanding of my own parents by virtue of being one myself.

In fact, I suspect that same understanding is simply going to grow as I get closer to my own years parenting teenagers.  I myself was a pretty easy kid to deal with – but a difficult teenager.  When I think back on all of the nights of lost sleep and frustration I must have caused my mom during those years, I think (with some dread) of my own pending experience becoming a mom to teenagers.

I have great appreciation for my mom and dad for being the amazing parents that they are, and for the wonderful home life and childhood they provided for me and my siblings.  While acknowledging that motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever embarked upon, I have to give credit where credit is due:  to my mom.

Lessons I learned From my Mom:

1- Girls can do anything that boys can do. I will forever be grateful for growing up knowing that I can hold my own, that being a girl is simply a statement of fact – and not a handicap.  And I love to watch that same “girl-power” in my own daughter.

2 – Be fair.  Raised in a family of eight kids, I guess my mom was ingrained with a sense of fairness from early on.  In our family, great care was taken to make sure each of us felt equally and fairly treated (even if the specifics were different, the overall fairness was always evident) I know my mom paid attention to being fair with gifts, extracurricular activities, and every other aspect of life I can think of.

3 – Don’t compare your kids to each other.  I sometimes get funny looks when I tell people that I didn’t fight with my brother or sister growing up.  Let me be clear:  that doesn’t mean that we always got along, but we were never competing against each other for our parents’ attention.  I am quite certain that this is largely due to my parents’ conscious decision to respect us as the individuals that we were, with our own strengths and weaknesses, and to never compare us to each other.  This little bit of wisdom is one that we have adopted in our own family as well – perhaps this is one reason that Ethan and Audra have often played together so well.

4 – Give people space and respect their privacy.  I knew growing up that I could keep my journal or private things out in the open, and that my privacy would be respected.  I knew that my space, my things and my opinions would always be treated with respect.  This in one area, especially as our kids get older, that we plan to reinforce in our home as well.

5 – Listen carefully to every point of view.  My mom is the ultimate ‘devil’s advocate’ – with her mind going a mile a minute, especially in the face of challenges.  But she has always been open to hearing many different points of view and is one of the best sounding boards I know.  I am quite certain it is from being surrounded by this that I learned to always look at situations from differing perspectives – and this has served me very well in my life – especially as a wife and mom.

6 – Buy good quality (but shop for good prices).   I will give my mom some of the credit for the simple joy I have in seeing my kids in good quality things – like good shoes and coats.  I look at them and see dry feet and warm kids – while also happy with the ‘good deals’ I found.  I am especially happy when these choices mean that I don’t have to replace their things every month.

7 – Always read labels.  I still remember grocery shopping as a kid, impatiently watching my mom read labels (decades ahead of her time, I’d say!) When questioned ‘why’, she explained that if you are buying a canned food, the ingredient list should only say that food on the label and nothing else.  Made sense to me – and here I find myself, years later teaching principles of health (and Eating by Design) to people everywhere I go.

8 – Kids should be allowed to just be kids.  We were raised with lots of freedom to just play – and most of that outside.  We were in organized activities, but with a limit on how scheduled we were.  We experimented, explored, tested our limits and learned through play.  There is no doubt in my mind that our approach to parenting has its roots in these same simple beliefs.  Let kids be kids.

9- Do your best in school. As a teacher, my mom understood that all kids have different learning styles and strengths.  I never felt pressured with respect to schoolwork, but was internally driven to always do my best.  For our kids, our intentions are for them to keep their love of learning intact, to nurture their creativity and problem-solving abilities, to never compare them to others – and to instill in them the same sense of always giving their best.

10 – Don’t ever underestimate common sense – and learn to think for yourself.  In many ways it seems that common sense is not so common these days, and independent thought is not the norm.  Instead of blindly following what others are doing, we have taken the lead my parents set to teach our children to use their common sense, think independently for themselves, and to apply their mind in every situation, regardless of what others are doing.  I believe doing so nurtures their own thinking abilities, trust in themselves and ultimately self confidence. (And if I look at all of the ways I have differed from the ‘mainstream’ in many of our choices, I’d say that this tendency to nurture independent thought was a huge influence in my own life)

11 – Kids do what you do, not what you say.  I’d have to say, as a parent, that accepting this statement as truth is to accept why being a parent is such a huge undertaking.  I believe it is possible that there is no higher calling than to nurture and mold a child into becoming the best person that they can be. It is an enormous commitment to accept that you are one of the main role models for another human being, and that they are likely to follow in your footsteps in many ways: beliefs, habits, values and actions.  It calls you to a whole new level of personal awareness and integrity.

As for me, I can certainly say that I learned from a great role model.   On most days I think that I’m a pretty great mom, and on the other “off” days, at least I know that I am still doing the best I can.  I think it’s part of the growth and evolution of each person and generation to blaze a different path than the one before them.  There are many ways that we are doing things differently from how our parents did things.  Fundamentally, however, the values instilled in me as a young child, learning from and being loved by my parents were the starting foundation for who I am.  Living in a home full of love and respect, with a high value on family, has obviously set me on the path I am now on.  And now, with the heightened understanding of time and experience, my appreciation for my parents has only grown exponentially over the years.

For me, being a mom is the most important job in the world.  It is the hardest, and the most rewarding.  And I am forever grateful to my own mom for showing me how to be a great one.

(I love you, Mom!)

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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Mom on Purpose

The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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